The Stages of Life

Don & I are heading off to Seattle for a week to stay connected with our grandbaby. It seems like such an important time for her to have the experience that we are truly in her life. We've all been doing a great job of staying connected even though we live far apart, seeing each other every six weeks or so. It's not ideal, but we're doing the best we can. When she's older, she can come spend some more extended time with us too. I know Sar & Gar would love the break, and we love having her. A win-win. Grandparenting...what a great concept!

I seem to find myself thinking a lot about something I learned about in grad school called Erikson's 'stages of development'. In Erikson's model, each stage of life has important developmental tasks. If the outcome of each stage is good, the person builds on that & successfully navigates to the next stage of life. When the outcome is not as good, the person develops difficulties navigating the next stage. This chart is abbreviated shorthand, but gives an idea of the stages...

Stage	Basic Conflict	Important Events	Outcome
Infancy (birth to 18 months)	Trust vs. Mistrust	Feeding	Children develop a sense of trust when caregivers provide reliabilty, care, and affection. A lack of this will lead to mistrust.
Early Childhood (2 to 3 years)	Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt	Toilet Training	Children need to develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and a sense of independence. Success leads to feelings of autonomy, failure results in feelings of shame and doubt.
Preschool (3 to 5 years)	Initiative vs. Guilt	Exploration	Children need to begin asserting control and power over the environment. Success in this stage leads to a sense of purpose. Children who try to exert too much power experience disapproval, resulting in a sense of guilt.
School Age (6 to 11 years)	Industry vs. Inferiority	School	Children need to cope with new social and academic demands. Success leads to a sense of competence, while failure results in feelings of inferiority.
Adolescence (12 to 18 years)	Identity vs. Role Confusion	Social Relationships	Teens needs to develop a sense of self and personal identity. Success leads to an ability to stay true to yourself, while failure leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self.
Yound Adulthood (19 to 40 years)	Intimacy vs. Isolation	Relationships	Young adults need to form intimate, loving relationships with other people. Success leads to strong relationships, while failure results in loneliness and isolation.
Middle Adulthood (40 to 65 years)	Generativity vs. Stagnation	Work and Parenthood	Adults need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often by having children or creating a positive change that benefits other people. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world.
Maturity(65 to death)	Ego Integrity vs. Despair	Reflection on Life	Older adults need to look back on life and feel a sense of fulfillment. Success at this stage leads to feelings of wisdom, while failure results in regret, bitterness, and despair.

I'm feeling like I'm not done yet with that middle stage of adulthood from 40-65-- Generativity vs. Stagnation. And I am not quite ready for the last stage of life, starting around 65, called Integrity vs. Despair. But it seems important to think about it. It's about feeling a sense of fulfillment when one looks back over one's life, rather than looking back with feelings of regret & bitterness.

'This place where we are right now', it takes me away from doing what I need and want to be doing in terms of generativity. I want to be completing projects that I started long ago, finishing the memoir, writing a new book I've been wanting to write, work on a major art piece I've been trying to work on for a while now, practice my music so that I feel good about my contribution to our marimba group, and other things having to do with being a therapist, writing, teaching, lecturing, consulting...but instead, I once again find that I need to put my energy into financial issues. For past four years I've barely been able to keep my career and my interests front and center because of the building of this house, and all the financial concerns that it created. I needed to put my own stuff aside to a great degree to be a decent partner to Don in this endeavor that I signed on to. Not to say that I didn't get a great deal of joy out of the house as art project. I loved doing it. And I love the results. So the house is part of our legacy. Makes it even more bitter sweet that we have to now give it up. There's more to say about this, but I need to do other things now...Just to finish, I feel just a bit like I'm complaining here, and I don't want to complain. It's been a great ride-all of it, and I need to keep reminding myself that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Amen.