"This place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you".
Hafiz, 14th century Persion mystic/poet.
I find this statement very helpful. It's as if my life is unfolding exactly as it should.
It's 5 a.m. Lying in bed feeling upset about what's about to unfold. There's an inevitability that cannot be denied. I've come downstairs, put a log on the coals and begin to write. This statement finds me as I 'google' to find in what century Hafiz lived...
"There is an old Jewish saying: 'God is closest to those with broken hearts.'
Lama Suriya Das, The Awakened Heart
My heart is breaking for our situation. Though I must quickly add that the most important things-- our health, our relationship, are in fine shape. Describing my heart as broken doesn't seem like a good start for I so choose that my heart is strong and healthy. Apart from the literal, the phrase does so well describe the sadness that I'm feeling, but I hope to find other words. True, my rib is broken, (that's another story) but my heart is good, amen.
Don's calling me to come back to bed. I will take a hot shower and see if I can get a couple more hours of sleep. The day will go better if I do. But I just want to get out what the situation is...We've have gotten caught in the downward economic spiral they call a recession. We have been working so very hard for years to achieve economic stability. We barely had a taste of our success, when everything started falling apart. It's taken a few months for the realization to hit us that our life style, as we now know it, is no longer sustainable. The facts are that we are living off of savings, we have very little income, and live in a house that we can no longer afford. It's sad. We built this house ourselves--we're not even completely done building it. It's been a labor of love going on four years now. And it's a gem. Really something special. I'll post pics. OK, so I've said it. We're gonna need to take drastic measures to change our situation. Sell the house, move somewhere unknown. Start over. I'll be turning 65 next birthday. Yikes. Not what I had hoped for my retirement years. I will use this space as a journal to record the process as it folds. Now, back to bed and hopefully to sleep...
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